So far I have inscribed n etched a special slot for  “Mother Mary”, “Queen Esther”,   “Jyoti BHABHI”,  “Julie”,  “Queen Cleopatra”,  & my favourite “Stars”, who lie marked in my heart; in my previous posts!!! Yet, there remains few more that follow suit!!!

       The next on the list is….AYN RAND. Until my late teens I was only aware of her as an authoress, her book being “Fountainhead”, which I never got down to read. Later, when I was busy in my “Hasratein” days, my director’s wife would insist me, to read Ayn’s “Atlas Shrugged”, but somehow I couldn’t avail the time to do so. One fine day, at the shoot in a bungalow, her assistant lay hands on a copy of Atlas shrugged, n darted for us! Now the issue was that who would peruse the book first, me or him! I was cool but was given the obvious preference! I walked in home with the book, slightly guilty that I now possessed the book due to my star value & moreover it wasn’t in the least my property!

 However I got down to reading it, the more I read, the more possessive I grew over the book, I simply couldn’t part with it! I was in a world of its own concept n values, I found myself relating to it, discovered that my ideals did match so strongly, I had always believed in it, dreamt of it , loved every bit of it! When I finished reading, the two things I did right after was….bought the whole collection of Ayn Rand, be it fiction, non-fiction or her philosophies!!! Secondly, I would buy new copies of it n gift them to people who showed even the slightest inclination/interest towards it!  Internally, I knew why this was happening! The bible says…as you sow, so shall you reap! What had I done?  I had brought a free copy that probably belonged to some- one, & then, bought copies of it for so many people. You see, in this world n life itself, in a certain respect, we pay the price of our deeds, I strongly believe in so!!!

Coming to the woman I adore, Any Rand,  a gifted writer like her has to be so profoundly experienced, so profusely intense & so immensely  deep-rooted!!! I am just in love with her, marvel at her reflection, her aptitude, her communication & her insight! People who criticize her,  who run her down on the pretext of “capitalism”,  merely seem  to me,  certain  pseudo characters, emerging from her very books,  her  concept of…”anti-socials”, “murderers of mankind”!!!  I will always pay my salutations to her!!!

The next on the list are….”.RANIJI”…my Pastor & “Satinderji”, her partner!  Both of whom I endearingly look up to!!!

 Another belief of mine is, that at times, some people who have harmed you in life; turn around at some point in life & do you a favour, be it intentionally/unintentionally. Just like certain situations/circumstances that may pose quite adverse to tackle or bear, but with time, they turn out to be for your everlasting good!!!  After all, it’s written in the bible, that our God (YAHOWAH  NISSI),  will always fight our battle for us, deliver us from our enemies, hand over victory to us & lay our “Banquet table”, right in front of our foes !  Our God topples the adverse tables that are schemed for our doom…for our ultimate benefit!!! I have witnessed it many a times!  

       Let me tell you of one case, when I was in my teens, doing a couple of films,  I met a dress-designer named…”P”, she was designated for my costumes n was related to a veteran actress, who was also in the same film. So I trusted her n asked her to revamp my wardrobe for me. She made me buy expensive materials from the best of shops, & also took a hefty amount for tailoring them…. & ….disappeared!!! I was shaken up with the experience, realised that no one is worthy the trust. After many years, we finally met, at the sets of “HUM SAAT-AATH HAI”, for Star plus; as she was handling the costumes of it. She had no choice but to feign amnesia! I too kept mum on the past issue, for many months of working together. She almost believed that I hadn’t recognised her. One day, when the entire cast was present, she coolly joined us in our discussion of zodiacal signs, kept enquiring of each one’s star-sign, when she turned towards me, I told her…”P, I am a Sagi n I remember you being a Libran!”  She froze…that in spite of so many years, I remembered her sun-sign, so obviously I knew her all this while!!!

 Later she came to me with a pounding heart & apologised for her past misdeeds, confessed to being a misled person in those years. I forgave her, & told her that “I believe in “Jesus”…& for years have been longing to partake in a company of “His” people, but didn’t know whom to turn to for so”! …Now!… It was shocking for me… when she replied that she had turned into a Christian, & it was Jesus who had transformed her for the good & she knew the right person n place for me to dwell in the company of HIS people. At this… the scenario altered, it was me now, whose heart was pounding with anxiety, & I didn’t want to waste a single minute on past grievances, but pestered her to introduce me to that right person of Jesus!!! Yes, this was the favour done to me by the person who had wronged me ages back, & to whom I am grateful for the favour, in return, I choose to bear amnesia towards her mistakes of the past!!!

Through “P”, I finally met the woman responsible for my concrete destiny towards THE JESUS I loved from my birth!!! I met RANIJI!!! A woman of multi-dimensions! In her presence I felt… the love of Jesus, the values of Queen Esther, the propriety of Jyoti Bhabhi, the edification of Ma’m Julie, the command of the “Stars”, the dignity & fore-sight of Queen Cleopatra, the spunk of Ayn Rand…felt all the magnetic specifications that I have been pulled towards at various stages of my life, the establishmentism of all the women that I had adored!!! I felt perfect & blissful!!!

She was pleasantly surprised that I had not come to Jesus for any worldly need, but to know more of HIM, whom I already knew; whereas people came for needs, knowing of HIM & then knew HIM!!! A case reversal in all terms!!! I tried my best to grasp as much as I could from her, in our “House”of JESUS CHRIST. My gratitude will never ebb for her…as she gave me a new life in Jesus, she baptized me as per my long-desired penchant, she was also the priestess & the sole authority of my wedding, her preaching has transfused in me…a radical absolute!!!

Via Raniji I met… Satinderji… her partner in every respect! A woman of few words, soft-spoken, gentle, loving… bearing the spiritual fruits, & firm in her faith, discipline & strongly blessed with the spiritual gift of discernment!!! We have our own little joke to share. Once, when I was very new in the group, I had joined them for an out-station preaching n healing campaign, least aware that they all were on a fast; by the time we reached our destination, I was famished. Without any fuss,  Satinderji, in her fasting state,  lovingly cooked an omelette sandwich, reserved only for me; probably it was no big deal in her eyes, but that very moment onwards, she carved a place in my heart, equivalent of Mother Mary!!! To this day, Raniji teases me, saying that if they have to convince me to do something, they will just recall the incident of the omelette, & there, I go all ears, gooey-eyed, & a stickler of obedience, for the sake of Satinderji… & we laugh it loud!!! Oh mine! Do I adore them…. you bet…Yessssss!!!  A family for me…in spirit & in truth!!!



 The next gem of a woman that I adore is none other than…”Our Lady-MOTHER MARY”…the epitome of perfection and purity!!! Her beautiful simplicity is so striking that one can’t help being drawn to her; a characteristic that I die for!!! Yet what would supremely surpass all her attributions is the fact that she gave birth to…..JESUS CHRIST!!! She is the mother of the Alpha & Omega…all begins and ends here!

A virgin, so holy unto our Heavenly Father, so obedient unto the Holy Spirit, so doting unto Jesus…our Messiah!!!  The truest example of a mother figure! As a child I too looked up to her, shared a cohesive bond, shared with her what Jesus must have shared with her, shared with her what my mom didn’t share with me! But with Mother Mary, there has been a sense of fulfilment with her, to whom I could run to & call out “mother, mother”!

Nowhere in the bible have we been instructed to worship her, as worship is solely reserved for our Abba Father…the True Living God.  Yet I remember that my class-mate Stella Phillips would insist that we pray to Mother Mary for our prayers to be answered at once, & yes, our requests were answered then n there. So much so, that once we had to go for a school picnic, it was raining so heavily that there was every possibility of  the picnic to get cancelled, we dreaded the cancellation & at once prayed to her, no sooner we finished praying, the rain had stopped completely. Stella turned n said, “See, I told you!” Now I realise, that it was a true mother’s heart that worked, probably when we prayed, Mother Mary was praying too, for our prayers to be answered! And how could her request be refuted by God? Remember…the first miracle that Jesus had performed, was when He turned water into wine…. And He had done so…. on Mother Mary’s request!!!

The precious sacrifice of Jesus has given redemption n salvation to all those who believe in Him, therefore we believers, do not need any person or medium to call out to God for us, we are fortunate to have a direct access to Him!  Therefore we pray to only “HIM”!  Yet, never the less, the honour & glory & piety cannot be separated from Our Mother Mary…. for once & for all….she is….the Mother of Jesus!!!


Another adorable woman is… Queen ESTHER!!! A woman not just admired by me but highly admired in Christendom!  A woman of great faith, who is responsible for having liberated her entire clan from the clutches of austere bondage, single handed!!! She depended on none, but God; who believed only, in the counsel of God, headed in His wisdom & worked in His power!!!  Who knew how to give God the first place & the top priority, into everything that she intervened in. No wonder, the rigid fast that she had kept for three days, before her mission, is looked up at, by all believers! A key to achieve n accomplish!!!

Not many know that my Christian name is Esther, I was so happy when I was given this name by my pastor, in the guidance of the Holy Spirit! It’s one of the best names of the bible, given to the chosen fortunate ones. Many vie for this name, I realised this only when some of the girls of the church wanted to change their names to Esther, after I was given this name!!! But for me, I will feel complete when I justify this name!!! Amen!!!


The next I would like to mention is another “J” I adore….JULIE!!! But to know of her, one would have to go through my earlier posts…Julie, Julie the 1st & Julie continues!!!


The next on the list is yet another queen, my most adorable….Queen CLEOPATRA!!! A queen indeed in the truest sense…a woman of mettle!!! When I studied her through the William Shakespeare version…oh man…I was bombed!!! Never have I come across a woman of her calibre! It takes life times to be one like her or come across her!

An aesthetic persona, a blend of beauty with brains, a concoction of virtue & vice; bold n daring, sensuous n amorous, an intellectual yet shrewd, passionate, possessive, gregarious yet faithful. Arrogant yet dignified, ambitious yet prudish…..oh God, words cannot justify her…one has to have her wave-length & a certain flight, to be in cognizance, to be acquainted with her… the ultimate woman!!! Oh yes! Elizabeth Taylor, whom I adore too, as an actor, played her to the hilt, yet one who is familiar to her, knows for sure, that Cleopatra the original… is Cleopatra the Ultimate!!!

Naming Elizabeth Taylor reminds me that along with her, the other actresses that I adore are…Meena Kumari, Vajayantimala,  Sharmila Tagore, Rekha, Aishwarya….BUT…. my heart stops ticking with the very sight of…..MICHELLE PFEIFFER & SRIDEVI…..awesome is the word!!!


          Yes, I have been very choosy in life!!! Always seeking perfection!!! The quest for so, most of the time, can lead a person to a route bejeweled with afflictions! A journey so distasteful, as each step unfolds a cryptic layer, unravels a striking contradiction, unmasks the other side of the coin! Yet I fervidly attempt to gather the gems and discard the unsought stones!!!  

Herein, is a dedication to those women who have left an indelible mark on my heart, & my entire being reverberates with their impact! The fairer gems of my life!!!

The first gem of a woman I met in my life, whom I adore forever, is my (cousin) sister-in-law, my JYOTI BHABHI. Another “J” of my life!!! She is special to me than any kith n kin! I was hardly 3-4 years old when she was betrothed in my maternal family. All I remember vividly is that I was so besotted by her that I kept glued to her throughout the wedding ceremony & followed her to her bed-room, on her special night, least aware that my prolonged stay over there, could have been so unwanted. I had engrossed myself in admiring her & her trousseau, stuttering in my awe, while she kept adorning me with her jewellery with amused patience! The fun of it was short-lived though, as my overbearing mom walked in & spoilt my gusto with her unceasing rage at my “bad behaviour”! In no time the red faced me was dragged out of the room, & in an aftereffect slumber, I was taken home.

 Somehow I did not get over those pleasant moments that I shared with the beautiful bride! I longed to encounter her once again! Later, many a times I got the opportunity to visit my maternal family house, I would search for her from room to room, floor to floor, but could never find her, I longed for a glimpse of her, but to no avail. I wondered where that bride from the fairy land had disappeared to. Sometimes I did come across my favourite cousin brother, her husband, mostly surrounded by the elders; I would innocently ask him,” Billu Paji, where is your wife?” He would lovingly pat my cheek with a wry smile, & before I could get my answer, I was hushed out of the room by the elders. I sensed something fishy but could not guess!        

In a couple of years, I apprehended the scenario, Jyoti bhabhi’s beauty, composure, aura & class had intensified the resentful jealousy of the so called elderly women of the family, mainly, (ashamed to mention), my own mom & “masi” (maternal aunt-my mom’s elder sister); who had a strong hold on their brother’s families, and concentrated more on them rather than their own respective families! They overtly indulged in their fault-finding, and their bitterness outscored all norms of decency to the point, wherein, the newly-weds were brutally separated. The worst was that when J. B. (Jyoti Bhabhi), was forced to part from her hubby, she had already conceived, yet it did not soften the hard-hearted women. They also preferred over-looking the pathetic plight of my cousin bro. His depression did not in the least melt their wrong intentions, rather whenever he tried to declare his love for his wife; he was advised to forget her & comply, to marry some-one else! He was left dumb-founded! Soon, he gathered enough courage to stand by his adorable wife, within months he walked in with his wife J.B. & their new-born daughter- Rakhi. Much to the dismay of the elders who were yet unrepentant of stealing away the golden moments of the loving couple!!! In spite of now staying in the family, the couple & their child were almost treated like an outcast!

I am sure there are no guesses… to… that who was the most elated with the re-entry of J.B.!!! You bet…a little girl…Seema Kapoor!!! Whenever I visited my maternal family, I looked forward to be in the endless presence of J.B., attract her attention & win her approval; for which I willingly evaded playing with my cousins, evaded the smothering company of relatives, and evaded the prying of the elders. I simply sat awe-struck in her presence, watching every move, every detail of her, and it never seemed to be enough!!! Never enough of her most gorgeous face, her mystifying voice, the fragile movements of her supple body, the magic of her appealing  aura & ultra personality, her gentleness towards me, her enchanting smiles, her killing acknowledgement of me & an unsaid understanding of my predicament. It was like a trance, I wanted to belong to her, and how I wished that I was her child, so that no one could separate me from her!!!  All my feelings for her were just kept embedded in my heart, mind, eyes & dreams. I was so shy n conscious in her presence that I could never express or utter my deep-rooted feelings for her, rather, with great effort, I normally met my eyes with her. Whenever I praised her, I was subjected to grave rebuke from my mom n aunt! The more I was discredited for her by all, the more defiant I got, in boldly loving & favouring J.B! Day by day I kept getting more n more attached to J.B., my bro, & their daughter-Rakhi; and more n more alien to my entire clan!!!

Decades & decades have passed by….TODAY….I still dote on Jyoti Bhabhi….adore her for her wisdom, her calm, mature, patient & understanding nature….having paid the price….still alien to the rest of my entire clan….&….NO REGRETS!!!